Employees describe a mix of emotions when notifying the workplace that they are expecting a child, ranging from excitement to relief, but also including nerves and anxiety.
“I was really nervous about telling [my employer] … I don’t really know why, but I was.” (xxx, Small business employee)
Equally, while employers are happy for their staff, the news can sometimes come as a shock if they are concerned about the administrative burden around maternity/paternity policies, and workload management during absences. Balancing these emotions and different needs can be tricky. How and when expectant mothers and fathers share the news at work sets the tone for the months ahead. To make the process easier, it helps if employers provide written parenthood policies which set out a clear, consistent process for notification and next steps.
Timing: When to Share the News
There’s no single ‘right’ time – decisions are shaped by health, personal circumstances, and workplace culture. Some types of work pose health and safety concerns and so it is important to notify the workplace early but, for many, the 12-week scan is a common milestone. Other employees wait longer, especially when there are concerns around fair treatment at work or missing opportunities (see also Fear of job insecurity and negative career implications – add link). However, informing the workplace early helps the employer to plan ahead.
“It is always challenging when someone’s [on parental leave], I mean, it’s challenging even when someone goes on holiday for two weeks, ‘cause obviously someone else has to cover for them. But in a way, because you know it’s coming and you have plenty of notice usually… and I think that we’re very fortunate here, because we do have a good relationship with people, and they did tell us quite early on.” (Alice, Medium business employer)
Employers should be understanding of different timings. If there are no health and safety concerns, employees can share their news when they feel comfortable, but formal notice must be given by 15 weeks before the due date.
Fathers –Many employers find that fathers notify the workplace much later about their parental leave plans than mothers, usually because they expect to take less time away from work, but this can make absence planning more difficult for the employer and invites negative reactions.
“The dads are a bit more difficult. They either don’t tell you or they tell you really late… And it’s like, ‘hang on a minute, there’s a process to follow’. So, I think promoting more of our family-friendly policies would be good to encourage the guys to speak to us a bit more.” (Maya, Small business employer)
How to Share the News
Most people start by telling a direct manager, often verbally and informally, then follow up in writing. In very small firms, the first conversation may be with the founder or business owner.
“I did it quite early on to my manager who is the founder of the company. I was quite nervous about it because I wasn’t sure what the reaction would be… I didn’t really plan a meeting… I was just looking out for a good opportunity.” (Ella, Small business employee)
“I informed her verbally and then I did a written letter with my intention of when my final day at work might be.” (Sian, Small business employee)
Tip for employees – Choose a quiet, private moment with your manager first and follow up in writing with your expected dates (Template letter to tell your employer you are pregnant). If you are concerned about sharing your news with your employer, see How to start a conversation about a sensitive topic – add link.
Supportive practices
Employers must balance employees’ personal happiness with business realities. Yet, their first reaction to their employee’s baby news will set the tone for any future conversations about related support needs. It is, therefore, good practice for the employer to offer congratulations and avoid language that could be perceived as judgmental. This should be followed up with scheduled discussions about support available during pregnancy, leave, plans for cover and the return to work.
Inviting the future parent to suggest ways to address their support needs, such as through reasonable adjustments, and managing their absence during leave can make them feel respected and valued. It is also important to create an environment in which expectant fathers and other non-birth parents feel comfortable asking for support, for example, to accompany their partners to antenatal appointments or to discuss other support needs in case of complicated pregnancies.
It can also be helpful to involve other colleagues in conversations on possible support solutions, particularly if they are affected by these measures (e.g., if tasks are reallocated among team members). Including other affected staff members in these conversations fosters a Supportive Workplace Culture, enhances fairness and inclusivity and can reduce the risk of tensions in the team (see Life Course approach).
What can employees do to help? Informing the workplace as soon as they feel comfortable to do so helps the employer plan ahead.
